I’ll be completely honest with you.
I strayed so far from my artistic journey and path, I don’t even know where I went; only that it led me back to that horrible mixture of feelings that I wanted so much to avoid. That feeling of hating everything I did and that what I was creating wasn’t worth my or anyone elses time, but it got me enough attention to feel some sort of gratification for it; so I kept on doing it. But I know it wasn’t my calling, just something I had done for so long that it was easier to slip back into doing, rather than feeling something moving deep within my core – which is something that I feel art should be. You should be moved by what you create, rather than have cheap emotions of swifts satisfaction.
I feel a deep connection to some of my paintings as they’re far more personal than a quick sketch of digital image of an anthro character (which is what I always resort too and always feel hollow doing)
I took a small internet break before Christmas and this is something that came out while I wasn’t just ‘keeping myself distracted.’
I feel like I lost a part of myself to the strangeness of the internet and several social media sites that I promised myself I would give up and “never again return too.”
I think in journeys it’s fine to have a relapse into old, bad habits as long as we become aware of them and do something about them. Especially when on a journey of self discovery – like I am here. I do feel bad that it took me so long to realise that I was on a very wrong path though, as I feel it has done a lot of harm to people close to me. (I don’t want to dwell on it too much, just repair, recover and move on.)
I’ve already started putting myself back on the right path however, the path that feels a lot more exciting; already I am eager to start painting and creating again.
I brought myself a few books for inspiration for re-finding and redefining my creative path, they were just from The Works. So they probably won’t be the most profound pieces of literature out there, but I think if they spark off some desire to create then they’ve done their job.
The first book being ‘The Artist Unique’ Which I am looking forward to reading a bit more of. Especially if it’ll do as promised – help me find my own creative signature; as I feel that what is really lacking in my artwork is me. My thoughts. My personality. My real influence. So, if this book can set me on the path to really helping me to discover who I am and how to bring that out in my creativity, I’ll be really indebted.
I’ve only read a few pages so far, but I like early ideas in finding out about my creative signature. Collecting images and colour swatches that resonate with me; it’d be interesting to see if I am using colours that ‘speak’ to me in my paintings already. So I’ll have to take a trip to Homebase and see what I can find.
It looks like my initial hesitations and fears about returning to this blog after a 6 month side-track we’re unfounded!